Blood work done!
Ugh! Trying to get Louie in the car is just not getting any easier! He just doesn’t want to get in! I believe he is just so done with the vet and wants nothing to do with the place at all. I did manage to get him in the car after a bit of a struggle and he went into the office ok (as long as he knew I was going with him) and he gave up his blood for testing like he’d done it all his life even though the tech had to stick him 3 times before she finally got the vein. I had a fleeting thought in the car on the way there………..maybe I should cut out the chemo, and the vet visits…….is it too much stress for him?………..should I just let the remainder of his days (how ever many that may be) be happy and stress free? But then I think that would be like amputating his leg for nothing……he deserves the chance of having more days,weeks,months that chemo might gift him with. This is an emotional winding path we are walking. I feel as if I lose my dog every time I read a post where someone had to say goodbye. It is so real and I am right there almost like I am rehearsing for the final act. I am sorry for the crappy attitude today but sometimes I can almost fool myself into believing that Louie is fine and nothing is wrong. And then comes the vet appointments for chemo and blood work and I almost get angry that they are bursting my perfect bubble if that makes any sense. I really am trying to be positive and upbeat for Louie’s sake. He isn’t thinking or bothered about anything 🙂 but some days are just harder then others and today is one of them. Happy post tomorrow, I promise 🙂 I love this picture when Louie was a bit younger and had all 4’s and was running through the yard ears flying!
4 comments so far
4:49 am - 9-25-2015
Hard to believe Big Louie was ever Little Louie! ADORABLE baby!!
First of all, you do NOT have a crappy attitude! It is PERFECTLY normal to be having “less positive” moments and to second guess everything you are doing over and over and over!!
And yes, we are all family and there isn’t a single time when one of our family member crosses over that I don’t cry. I feel their heartbreak as though it were my own. In many ways, it is. Each time a dog transitions, I shed many, many tears for them. I also relive the intense loss of my Happy Hannah over and over and over. I can barely make myself post some days because the sadness can be so overwhelming.
So yes, you are making perfectly good sense! I applaud your honesty. You are stronger than you give yourself credit. Louie had a long recovery. Recovery time is so intense and patience is just not a virtue that many of us possess during that time! You have stayed the course and now you are seeing your Louie is doing just fine!! Even if it means he’s tired the day after he goes all the way down to the barn, Louie is having a fine time!
One thing to remember though. Louie is with you in the NOW. To grieve for what you haven’t even lost, prevents you from enjoying being present with Louie and savoring every sacred moment.
I think each time Louie goes to the vet and he realizes he’s leaving with his remaining limbs intact, he won’t mind going as much each time! Another thing you might try is, each time, treat him to a drive through cheeseburger before and after! Maybe even some ice cream! If you have a Starbucks nearby, I bet he would love a “Puppy Latte” (a cup of whip cream).
I think one of the main reasons I did chemo for Happy Hannah was, like you, wanted to give her the best possible chance and not just “stop” at amputation. I can GUARANTEE you Louie likes the idea of having the best possible chance for extended quality time with you. Nobody’s bursting his bubble! So don’t you let anybody burst yours, okay? There ARE dogs who haven’t beaten the odds here! There are dogs who have survived for several years after amputation! You and Louie stay in that bubble and there is no reason you can’t be a long term survivor too!
Now give that sweet boy a big smooch for me! And how ’bout giving yourself a pat on the back, you’re doing great!!
Lots of love and hugs!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
PS…Keep those pictures coming!
4:52 am - 9-25-2015
Geez…my typos are sooo bad. I meant ro say “There are dogs who HAVE beaten the odds here.”
4:55 am - 9-25-2015
Don’t worry about being on a downer, this is not exactly a cheerful journey. I actually didn’t do chemo on my dog just for the reason that she hated going to the vet. The thought of dragging her in there didn’t appeal to us but she got lung mets 4 months later. Could the chemo stopped it, I will never know. This cancer journey has us questioning our every decision but we love our dogs and cats and we always strive to do what is best for them. Louie is one handsome dude.
Penny and her Gang
9:44 pm - 9-27-2015
First, never feel guilty about posting on your down days, we’ve all had them and totally get it. You wouldn’t be human otherwise.
And that’s our burden to carry. While our dogs DO believe everything is fine, we are the ones who know the real story. And a lot of times it’s hard to deal with that, we feel so responsible for them. So your feelings are completely normal.
I can’t tell you whether or not to do chemo but I can tell you our experience. See, when we debated over chemo, we knew that the vet visits (a 6 hour drive) were going to take their toll. We just didn’t want anything to cut into whatever time we had left together, so we opted out.
The entire time, Jerry had a ball, and after watching him live life to the max, we did too. Sure, we always knew the truth but we did our best to follow his lead and it worked out beautifully for us. Jerry lived two amazing years, with an amp and no chemo, and I can’t help but believe that the great quality of life we gave him had a lot to do with that.
Always remember chemo isn’t mandatory. Amputation alone is HUGE because it gets rid of the pain. Any time together after that is icing on the cake. Nobody knows how long we have on this earth, with or without cancer. Even chemo cannot guarantee how long a patient will live, it’s up to us humans to get comfortable without that “guarantee.”
Chemo has to fit in with your dog’s needs, your budget, your lifestyle. If it’s impacting any of those things too much, you are not a bad pawrent for thinking about stopping the chemo, in fact you’re a GREAT pawrent for putting his quality of life first.